Now why can't I find a date? Why? I'm in my golden years, 54, like the club. Most of you too young to know about that. I'm not talkin about a caveman club either, like one they used to use to knock their mates out with. I'm not THAT old! When I was out datin a lot I met some real catches...like, you know, catchin a preditor types. Why? Why me? What about me is sayin' to genuine creepos "Hey come on over, I'll have ya." Jolly geezus. Also met some bigandlows, ya know the guys that shake it for cash. I'm not lookin' for no bigandlows and no deadliest catch, I'm hopin by bein straight up and myself I'll attract myself my own person that is like me. I ain't no mathemagician, but I got a good head on my shoulders. Name is Magna, by the way, like lava I always say. I went to a Pentacostal school and I'm a true believer of Christ. I like a guy with a mustache, that is alright with me. The tighter the jeans, the better! And if you wear thick rimmed glasses with a slight color gradation, I think that is sexy as hell. And sneakers. White sneakers, I just have somethin for em. Anyways, you get the picture. My hands are hurtin from a little arthritus so I'm gonna close up and say if your name is Jerry or Lester or Jim, those are my horoscope name matches and definitely respond. I wll try and respond to you in a timely manner as well. Lookin forward to it!
Hello ladies (not gentlemen, don't swing that way guys) I hope your V day was good. I waited until after it was over to post. Doesn't make any sense to me to have to rush into something just because of a holiday we all know is bullshit. My name is Doug, nice to meet your acquaintance. I'm posting because I read these ads but haven't found anyone that sounds like a match for me. I'm a Netflix and chill guy, don't like going out a lot. Would prefer just an Uber Eats and a movie over the bar or a party. I'm drug free....a little weed is okay. I wish I could say I'm disease free, but there are a few things worth noting.
Last summer I had a weird smell and so I was checked out by a doctor....nothing. The smell continued to get worse, I'd literally be in a room and people would comment how it smelled like a dead body that had been doused in urine and set on fire. It didn't feel like that. Finally, I found a doc that let me know I had ringworm of the crotch that was compounded by two other fungal infections. We were able to treat the ringworm, but one of the fungal infections moved to the interior and I was hospitalized for a secondary uterine infection. It's not a big deal, it's cleared up, the only remaining symptom is that sometimes I projectile pee a little bit at random. Everything was fine until I got tested before becoming a donor and they found I had a rare case of clamorrhea, a clamydia/gonorrhea hybrid had nestled itself in my tube and I was a carrier of another unknown std they ended up naming after me: Doug's disease.
Yeah, so other than that, I have a good job and am genitally kind to people, I mean generally. I'm interested in a simple girl, not a lot of drama. Please have your own life, opinions and things you like to do. If you have any questions, I'd be glad to answer them. Have a nice day!
Scooter Boot here'n ya know, I just went through another relationship heave ho (emphasis on the ho). She literally gave me the boot, the one I've had on my right leg for two years now cause of the Keystone Forklift incident of '18. I left the boot at her house on purpose, kind of a Cinderella move. Thought after I punched a hole in the wall and started calling all my ex wives I should make a grand gesture. But the next day "Ho'down McGee" threw the boot in the pool and when I tried to retrieve it, the handicap chair that was lowering me in got stuck and we had to call the fire department. Not exactly the glass slipper moment I pictured.
So now Scoot is back in the rascal with my head held high (with the help of a neck brace...the pool rescue got a little grizzly) and lookin' for love. Or just a discreet encounter. Or friends with benefits. Maybe more? My momma used to tell me "it must be cute being so lonely" and it really is. I need a lady that is a freak in the sheets and weak in the cheeks. A lady that can get done up and look pretty just as easily as she could get her hands dirty and manually crank a handicap pool aid. Lookin' forward to hearin' from ya, yours trully, Scoot.
I'm a guy, I'm pretty sure. I mean if having a dick is what constitutes being a guy then I have to retract that. Let me explain. I was part of a clinical research study that had poor chemical results. Yada yada yada the trial ended badly and now I'm what you might call genitally impaired. I can still thrust, but because of the gelatinus hose replacement, its kind of more of a wobble. Maybe a better metaphore might be like, you know those soft slinky things that swallow themselves and they are really hard to hold because the water goes to one end and it jumps out of your hands? It's like if you had a long one of those filled with tar. The difference is that if you push in, it stays and doesn't bounce back. Am I making any sense? I don't mean to make it sound like it's compact, it's foldable, moldable and wraps around to the back. Bicycles are out of the question. Luckily, I found an alteration lady in my neighborhood that has been able to sew me special pants that facilitate the full area and compensate for...lets just say any mishaps. Which happen quite frequently. I actually need to get going and change my strap. I like movies, social events, comedy shows...used to like horse back riding, but you know. Anyway, here's hoping you like my confidence and honesty.