It's that time of year again, Scoot's round up, where I hurd all the women in like fish in a barrel and pick the best of em to boot. Speaking of boot, don't know if I've been doin' mine proud. Got involved with a charity circus in the neigborhood and they enrolled me for the dunk tank. Didn't actually think I was gunna get pegged so I wore my wife beater, some cut offs and, of course, my trusty boot. Welp, first one to throw hits it fair n square. Kind of insulation mine's got, it expanded to double the size and got real heavy. They had to have three big guys hoist me out of there and I tore an ACL so it looks like I'll be on these pills yet another dos weeks.
Now I get requests all the time, mainly from my ex-wife's lawyer, but sometimes a random chicky will post somethin up askin me about myself and wanting to delve deeper into what makes Scoot tick. The answer to Jojo Melons question last week is a solid 7 or a 5 and a half if I just met the in-laws. Somehow they always find out. Anyway, just got a knock at my door....I always open the door to knockers. Don't be a stranger, give me a kick under the table or a summons on my door. Hope to see you soon, dear lady.
No, it's not what you're thinking. So my name is Shane and I was on here not that long ago. Kind of embarassed to be back so soon, but I learned that there's some real unfathomables floating around in the dating pool. So I got dumped. On. I was thinking my date and I were going to take a walk around pebble beach, but instead we went to a f*cking rock quarry if you catch my drift. A guy in my office just told me he got dumped and I was like "Dude, you have no idea." Is it that hard, literally, to find a girl that doesn't have some weird glutten sensitivity, lactose intolerance or IBS? And I got to draw the line somewhere...no more Applebee's.
Some people will say "Shane, you asked for it." And I did. I put an ad up specifying that I was the captain of this ship and I was looking for my number two in charge. We'd be exploring new galaxies and new civilizations, we'd boldly be going where n0 person had gone before. And then the freaks just started to roll in. Can't a guy just find a normal girl to take a shit on him? There I said it. It feels really great to let that out, just like it might feel really great for you to let some things out...on my face or back. If you have some funky dietary restrictions, then boldly stay away from me. Let's meet and see if we have a compactible situation. Compatible situation, sorry. Looking forward to meeting you...Shane.
Srsly, I keep it a hunnah puhcent. What's that? Did I stutter? I SAID ONE WITH A ZERO AND ANOTHER ZERO. So mark that in your ledger, get out a pen, and add it up...ain't that hard. Know what should be hard? Your member. My ass is tight like a pair of tights. Not the kind you get at the 99 cent store because we don't shop at the 99 cent store. We shop at the dollar store. The 99 cent store is 99 puh cent of a dollar, that ain't gonna work for me. The dollar store keep it real...now you follow? Little bit about me...let's see...well, I keep it real, but you got that, oh yeah I'm a drag queen.
Now I know what you thinkin' like okay my nails is fake and my hair is fake and I'm fakin this, you know, all this sleek down here, but srsly this attitude is ALL one hunnah USDA approved (United States Drag Approved) spit-fire roasted lookin good on my grill beef ifyouknowhati'msayin and I think ya do real REAL. So, basically, if you lookin for a girl, who kinda a dude to teach you how to be like super for real, I'm that. HMU, srsly no fake ass b*tches
I been lookin for my king for too long. I ain't into swipin lefffff and swipin' riiiiight, I ain't a fly and you can't swipe me like a fly on the wall like a swipin fool, m'kay? I see these guys all swipin' like they're doin a damn drive by! Oh hell no! Then I got my girlfriends tellin me they lookin for a snack, well mama here ain't lookin for no snack. No Chex mix, no gold fish crackers, if youknowhati'msayin'...who the hell wants a snack when they can have a whole meal? That's straight up blacksphemy if you ask me. You know what I be swipin'? A tiny plate...right off the table. My sister told me about these things they called topahs, little plate meals. I see one of those, I be swipin lef, I be swipin right, get those things outta heah. Nobody wants to look down and see the plate is just a small, tiny little plate. That's a joke plate. I ain't no clown goin to clown college and eat in the clown cafeteria. Put those plates away! You a king and you a meal then I got a meal fit for a king for you. Reach out, I'm an arms length, I give you a hug honey.