That's what my last date called my place cause he was just a hater. Okay, so being straight up and honest, if you don't love cats PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND. I'm a "cat lady" or the "lady with 489 cats" and so if you are allergic, had a bad childhood experience or even just on the fence (like 18 of my cats) it's not a compatible situation. At first I thought I could hide them, but Jinkies and Tara Bite exerted an uncomfortable amount of dominance by making their own flag (a smiley face with x's for eyes drawn with bird blood on a piece of white cloth and glued to a chopstick) and stabbing it into my lower leg while I was asleep on the kitchen table (unfortunately they've taken control of the bed, the couch, the lazy-boy, the ottoman, the washer and dryer and the love sac). So there's that. Most of the cats are pretty respectful. A good handful have joined a clan in the backyard, I don't think they are doing any weird kind of sacrificial stuff, mostly just fire ceremonies and wearing cloaks. Well, some of them are not respectful, I should correct that. A good sized group of them have been shouting...like shouting...not meowing through a hole they made in my living room window. And also when I went outside to pee, the toilet has an infestation, they appeared to have taken over my suit of arms (don't ask) and were attempting to pass as a knight trying to burglarize my place. Anyway, I shouldn't be dumping all this on you, it's not your problem. I may have bit off more than I can chew (the cats, however, have way less than they can chew). Anyway, so if you like cats, please come over and help me. Please.
I don't know what my mother did wrong when she was raising me, but I have a deep desire to be humiliated. One woman I hired actually commented that I must have had a bad childhood. I mean I was raised by a single mom, but she gave me attention, bought me school clothes, I always had everything I wanted for Christmas and Birthdays and had a good handful of friends. I think maybe Pig Boy makes me feel like I'm getting my rightful punishment from being born in the first place. Sorry, Pig Boy is my alter ego. Basically, Pig Boy walks around on all fours and has hooves. He likes to be gagged and have lighters put up to his skin when he misbehaves like he is being roasted. When he's bad it is important to say, "You're trash Pig Boy, go eat your dirt!" or "Go roll in trash, you filthy Pig Boy!"
Some people enjoy long walks on the beach, Pig Boy likes to put on a diaper and to be administered spankings with a two by four. Others enjoy sitting by a fire listening to John Lennon's "Imagine", Pig Boy likes to be gagged with an apple, kicked in the ass and called "A sissy hog". My point is, to each his own and Pig Boy's own is being called "Bacon dick" and getting his face sat on under a couch cushion. Pig Boy would be delighted to be your own personal banquet of punishment for pleasure, can I pass along the message you will be in attendance?
I guess gender fluid means a person kinda goes in and out of the traditional roles of male and female and feels a mixture of both. Not me. If that's what gender fluid means, then I'm gender solid I guess you could say. I'm like graphene...when I googled most solid thing on earth, that's what it brought up. I'm a dude, I have a cock AND balls. I just checked again to make sure. Would a female do that? The only way I would even be considered gender fluid is if by some chance an ex girlfriend cut off my nads, I got drunk and people dressed me in drag and then I underwent electroshock therapy rendering me somebody else. Would a female even say that? She would, if she was gender fluid and VERY in touch with her masculine side. I'm a doo doo dude, I like poop jokes, faces of death, the Simpson's, ball games, Fortnite and alone time. I have a manspread that you'd have to put your phone on panoramic to capture in it's entirety. I do not visit the other side for brief period's of time where suddenly I am into Tarot cards or babies. I drive a Ford F10 with a lift and it has a BBQ welded to the back of my toolbox. In my window there is a picture of Calvin taking a piss on a Miata. There you go, that's me. If you're into it...let's go. Take it or leave it.
I'm looking for a dude that isn't going to want to change who am. Please also be gender SOLID as in very feminine.
No need to fear, grandma Donna here! Here to make it aaaaalllllllllll better :) Was just pattin' my rugs down in the backyard (a practice that has become antiquated, but works wonders. Everybody wants to use machines to do the dirty work these days when your hand works just as good IF NOT BETTER-I beat those things ragged and then I was able to lay it out for everyone to enjoy...getting lots of compliments!) Anyway, after my last posting where I tried to arrange a tag team so we could meet in the park and really engage instead of all this email stuff I got a lot of very interesting messages. They say old dogs can't learn new tricks...that is a lie.
Jeremy, sure, I can give you a blow job...I don't have a beautician's license, but I got a good ole dryer and a comb! Makeover city here we come.
Hank you wanted to watch...well, if you prefer to sit out you can, but if you want you can get a blow job as well. Maybe I'll even do you like Jeremy...the whole package.
Peter you asked for a mutual massage, I give the best messages! You'll never want to leave. Sounds like a hair and massage party, talk about double penetration!
Anyway, we don't have to tag team, it's just that's how we used to meet boys when times were simpler. Was trying to get back to my roots and do what I know, but it sounds like time are a-changin' and grandma Donna ain't no old dog so if we're talking doggy style than I'm gonna try and keep up and keep learnin'.
Lady of the night my bed is wanting! Your loins scream like a dungeon that has been vacant too long, a heaven-less rattle echoes throughout your hollow sarcophagus and I wish none more than to enter that tomb like an explorer of timeless wisdom and unearth the artifacts of lore. Take me, my lady, I am the white knight that you have sung sweet nightingale verse, the savior of your inner desires, the viking ship set forth to plunge deep into your sensual layers, using my brute strength to extract every. inch. of. your. pleasure. My lady, I have longed for you like a sailor longs for a crisp wind to bring him across his last stretch of sea to the accolades of his people. Alas, my ship has been pushed back by crashing waves and I've disappeared into the hold falling into a dark, dark slumber. It twas the light of your song that woke me, that snagged my soul on the rhythm of your delicate notes. I submit to you my requests and with great anticipation await your simple kiss.
On a real note, I was thinking we could meet at Applebee's to feel eachother out, let me know if this works for you ;) Mark
Ehem, JJ?! The illustrious night in shining armor aka "James Joseph" or the last poster is my husband! He usually goes by JJ, but I guess he is now James Joseph perhaps to hide his identity? I don't know about James Joseph, but JJ is an alcoholic and a cheater. He used the fact that I was at home with our son as fuel to go out to the bar and not come home for two days. At first when we were dating he was the one that wanted to have kids and he straight up told me that he wanted me to be a stay-at-home mom. I dropped out of school to do so and when he got bored with me this was an easy out for him.
Please adopt my husband and make this an easy transition for him. Poor guy has to work while the mother of his child stays at home :( He's been forced into a relationship against his will (evidently). He needs someone to nurture him due to the nurturing he was intentionally avoiding (but nonetheless still not getting, ya know?) Hi son is on the verge of forgetting him so it would be nice if there was someone, anyone, out there to give his ego the recognition it deserves. I feel bad for the guy, I really do.
James Joseph is my name, I'm fresh out of a divorce, but there was nothing fresh about the marriage itself. My ex stayed home with our son while I worked and paid the bills. She really didn't do shit except watch Dr. Phil and go on Reddit. We never had any money cause of her and I RARELY ever bought anything for myself. Now she is in the house with our son and I'm paying alimony and child support because she deserves it. Okay, your honor. Anyway, enough about me, tell me about yourself. What kind of things do you like? Please don't say you are a blogger, my ex was also a big time blogger and that's a major turn off. Also, if you are crafty or take five hours to get ready to go out forget it. Or if you are just basically insane...I'm out. I'm looking for the opposite of my ex who's just the definition of "Cunt" in the dictionary.
I'm a great guy. I certainly don't deserve to be walked on like I was. I may make myself susceptible to being a doormat and that's something I need to work on. It would nice to be with a partner who will allow me to be myself without making me feel ashamed of my character defects. I don't want the things I've done to be thrown in my face like Missy was doing. Looking for a mature relationship where you aren't talking to your girlfriends about OUR problems. If you are that mature person, IM me and lets see where this goes.
What I can bring to the table is a creamy cup of soup...you bring the dessert...chocolate souffle. Mmmmmm, I'm getting an appetite just thinking about a marbled cake simply dripping chocolate. If you like ding dongs with custard in the middle or your cookies oreo'd then we can make beautiful recipes together. I have a tiny red Fiat, but I know how to drive a big biiiIIIIiiiiggg ole black Cadillac. My favorite place to swim is in muddy waters. My favorite coffee is dark. If you have a black picture frame then I have some white molding. Sorry, never mind that last one -picture frames aren't sexy. If you have a black sexy suit coat than I got a white hanger. I don't mean that I'm going to support you like a hanger. That might imply I'm really thin, which I'm not. Maybe I should have said if you got a black glove I'd be the perfect fit. On second thought black gloves not a good comparison.
Listen, if you're a black guy, I'm a white girl into black guys. I don't even like coffee honestly and I'm on a keto diet so I don't eat cake or cookies. I'm a clean freak and swimming in mud sounds absolutely disgusting.
I do know how to drive a big black Caddie, however.
Hi, I'm Mandy and I am a personal trainer at Grace Fitness, the Christian Gym. If you haven't heard of it, it's like a regular gym, but instead of tight clothing we wear sweats and all the music we play is about God. There's nothing more motivating then singing about the blood of the holy lamb while doing squats. Some people don't think God had an opinion about physical fitness and to them I quote Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint."
My worship is a little different than some. I actually am part of an online congregation where I have an avatar that looks like Sheena Easton and we go into a chapel and listen to the preacher. They don't have a sit function yet so the avatars wander around mostly having little conversation while the preacher, who looks like Charlton Heston moves his mouth almost in sync with the sermon. There's a pulpit and all the noobs hang out there and think it's funny to wave their arms insanely and crouch up and down real fast. Last Sunday a guy dressed as a vampire/rooster was pretending to eat the preachers head while singing "Insane in the Membrane". If it keeps going this way where people are not respecting the board I'm not sure what I'm going to do.
I thought I might meet a guy on this site and the one dude that I was corresponding with for some time JesusSaves96021 ended up being a married man with five kids and a wife going through chemotherapy. Obviously that didn't work out and I'm trying not to believe that every guy that dresses as Sponge Bob in a Pinstripe Suit (his avatar) is going to be like that. Please be a good guy and a real Christian. Excited to bang out some Zumba with you to "Nothing But The Blood".