My name is Donna Edna Byerly, or Grandma Donna as they call me, and I am looking for a gentleman to smash with. See, I am a grape grower and a wine enthusiast. Up til this point in time I have harvested my grapes and made jelly and/or given them away. This year I thought it would be fun and different to make my own wine. I also thought, what a fun date (get it "date" like the fruit) to get together and smash grapes. I have the whiskey barrels already. We could smash at my house or yours, I'm not particular.
Do you like to smash? I should have asked you that in the first place because I know we are old and sometimes when you smash things, parts get broken or out of place. I wouldn't want anyone to get hurt. You can smash as rigorous or as gentle as you see fit. I've smashed once or twice before but I'm a little rusty so don't feel insecure about your skill level...I am no smash master (you should see my sister smash though, she gets it all over the place!). If you are serious about smashing, put "I love to smash" in your subject line and hopefully we can smash soon!
I'm looking for a shiksha to entertain, maybe annoy, with my abundance of pleasurable bantor and charm or as some say, "complete unabandoned childhood" (which, by the way, is worse than an abandoned childhood. I would pray to Elohim that my parents would go on a vacation every once in awhile.) No, my father and my mother were good to me, they were. They blessed me with all five hairs on my head and left it up to me to lose them not so gradually. It's stress...it's probably self-induced stress and now I've got to find healthy ways of coping so for starters no yentes, no real housewives of whatever and no meshuggeners. Is that too tall of a list? My experiences thus far are nit ahoy ay ay ay. That is why I am saying goy ahoy and steering in a whole new direction.
The shiksha of my dreams is a corporate lawyer turned George Clooney wife...oh wait that is Amal. Now we're really starting out great, you think I'm some wife stealing scumbag that is way overprojecting his own desirability and to that I say, "Now we're starting to see eye to breast" because, I figure this is a nice seguay to drop the bomb, I am five foot six and a half. I really have that kind of demanding persona though that makes me appear just a few inches shorter and a sense of humor that makes most men and women question who invited me to the party. I'm looking for more of a hit me up type of situation, one that starts out with wine and dinner then yadayadayada you've changed your number and I'm posting up here again. Looking forward to that second posting myself, Mozel Tov!
Guys call me "Road", girls call me their worst nightmare. Never seen a lady I didn't like. Scratch that. Never seen a broad I couldn't take. How about a little Porsche Carrera and Lickity split? Your place. The say if the hounds are out than it must be Friday. Walter Kronkite couldn't have predicted a day like today. Finally, the horses came in. Stunning. How many times do I have to say your name before they let me in? What do you say...You, Me, A Greyhound Martini, 2 beds and a calling card? One of those prepaid ones that scratch off. You know what I'm talking about.
Palm Beach is calling again. That's why we need the scratch off. Just like a lotto ticket, just no winnings, only minutes. What's that you say? It's cheaper to get a plan? You know the saying "If you wanna make God laugh tell him your plans." Nice try sweetheart. I'd say Roger that, but got a bad toothache. Molar not feeling so good since you left if you catch my drift. Got to get these phone minutes applied, and fast. Send Jerry my love. Road.
If somebody were smart they would start a COVID19 datings site so that us singles could meet like-virused singles and get it on. I used to be part of a herpes site, real useful. No one likes to break it to a potential partner that they have a genital dermalogical condition so this way you just KNOW. When I had epstein bar...well, that never goes away actually, I was able to meet some ladies at a mononucleosis support group. When I got tired of dating them, literally, I moved onto a more popular TB group, which I had also contracted. It's not that I'm particularly immune compromised, I think it's more due to the fact that I really get around.
I'm not trying to brag, but I have had some of the more popular viruses in history so it wasn't a surprise when I got the corona virus...I'm kind of a virus king, so you know, it just makes sense. When ebola came around in 2013 yep you got it, yours truly probably infected in the triple digits. I've had trace amounts of hanta, all of the symptoms of H1N1 without an actuall full on diagnosis and phantom rabies. I don't want to jinx it, but I wouldn't be surprised if I come down with something in the future that no one has even heard of. I could be like the main guy, you know, patient zero. Do you want a man or do you want a man-demic is something I think you should start asking yourself. This shit is real and I wanna give it you.
I have COVID19 and, frankly, a few other diseases.
OMG, Hyeeeeee! Like seriously what is up beasts?! HOTH, hoes in the house like jonezin' for a hangout sesh. I'm at da club right now and it's 11:30 a.m. Got my girls and a spritzer, a white track suit with the words "No bride's allowed" in rhinestone's on the back, what else does a girl need? Maybe a studdly muffin to pop a collar on and call my own. No dogs though...PLZ...no SAINT bernards, no LASSIES, no SHEEP HERDERS cuz I ain't cleanin up no one's shit pile. OMG, Beyonce is on right now. I love this f'ing song!
My last bf broke up with me bc he said I'm obnoxious. THAT is NOT a reason to bReaK Up WIth soMeONE, okay? Okay? O-kay? I don't give a shit, obv, cuz I'm out living my best life as my best self in my best outfit of the day yoloing like an M. That's all I have to say. I got mounds of self-esteem stockpiled in my designer handbags and if they ever got stolen or lost that self esteem would be GONE and I would have to hire someone to find it or kill the person who took them. I'm amaze-ballz and blessed AF and all that jazz so no regrets and call me soon babies. Hot babies only apply! I'm not a 10, but my personality makes up for what I lack. I can look past someone who has serious personality issues if you are hot enough. I think you get the picture, peace out and lovey!