So proud to announce my sober recovery date May 25th 2019. I'm 6 months sober! If you don't drink it's a miraculous deal, 6 months is huge. You know what else is huge? My pulsing member. I'm no longer an addict so I'm really looking forward to meeting as many girls as possible. Drinking felt really great, but I had to discover what it was that was making me drink. I found out that I had a void I needed to fill. Do you have a hole that needs to be filled?
Ahhh, it feels great to be free. I'm also drug and disease free. It feels great to be clean. My body is also squeeky clean and ready to go. I no longer feel a constant nagging obsession to go to the bar. I've made plenty of room in my brain to rent to you like a dirty motel room. What do you want? Hourly? Daily? Now you're talkin' my talk. I'm going to lots of meetings and would be glad to have an anonymous meeting or rendezvous with your sexy self. I'm happy to say my body no longer needs toxic fluids to survive, it needs all natural human body exchange. Call me, I need you!
I've gone out with the good guy, the bad guy, the genius, the jerk.
I dated a guy that delt blackjack and owned prints of Dali's works.
Then there was the chemistry major who was a Buddhist, but wild.
I dated the first, the middle and the last child.
My last boyfriend was Indian, the one before that Chinese
and prior to that I dated a guy from Burmese.
I've dated well-hung
and, well, about the size of a thumb.
Millionaire's, poor guys and ones that would give me the shirt off their chests.
I've dated Muscular guys and one man with breasts
Rock stars, business men, writers and chefs
Right handed guys and ones that swung left
Now I've had them all so what can I say?
All I need for my collections is to find one that's gay.
Hola! Scorpio searching for her universal match. Warning! Must be hot and smart. Must be able to read my mind. That is a must. If I am angry, you better know it before I do. Surely, there is a man out there with an internal temperature guage that can sense when I am leaving homeostasis. Come on infrared men of Weebly, you know you want this. For more info about me refer to "The crazy/hot matrix" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_USJCTIgs4 I'm a solid 9!
I am not looking for an LTR, I'm looking for a one way ticket to pound town. I'm interested in engaging in some amorous congress with a single lady. Married is maybe okay too. If you want we can meet at the park and I'll give you a green gown. If you wanna make a lobster kettle out of yourself, I won't tell a soul. I'm not wanting to make a huge complicated matter where we have to DTR, I'm talking about the old-in-and-out. Doesn't anybody do that anymore?
Don't be ashamed for being a slut, there's plenty of need for you right here. What are you waiting for? I'm ready to blugeon the flaps, bend you over a barrel and show you the fifty states. Got any questions? I'm definitely not interested in FTR's or FDR's or LTD's, I just want to straight up crash the custard truck while you do squats in the cucumber patch. I think you might know what I'm trying to say here. Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Thats a good move too! I'm okay with LLC's, but I will for sure TTYL.
Got my boot off finally! And no I'm not talkin' bout in a orgasmic way...although it has crossed my mind. Now I'm ridin' my Rascal scooter injury free! Feel like everyone should be able to experience these kinds of freedoms. Joined a Rascal gang recently with some fine folks. We're settin' up our first ride. Gonna be like Sturgis for cripples, the morbidly obese and people like me that are just plain lazy. We're ridin' from the 7-11 on Main to the bingo hall on Mill. Gonna be puttin' together a charity ride next month raising money to buy scooters for soldiers. There's other organizations that do that, but ours doesn't require that you have a need of any kind.
Other than tryin' to solicit maybe a dollar or two, I thought I'd let the ladies know what a gentleman I am and how I help people in need. My friend Kurt "Hand in Pants" Doogen said ladies love a man that helps a lot of people n' looks humble, so there ya go. I'm the full package, but no fragile contents just a load waitin' to be dropped on yer porch with a special surprise. Big loves, Scoot.
DD Free, She-male tri-bred searching for UFO (Unidentifiable Female [at birth] Opthalmologist)...I know, there's a word for everything now right? What is a tri-bred you might ask. Well, I took the ancestry.com panel test and discovered that I was the product of not one, but two of my mothers lovers. It's actually called superfecundation, but who can say that? Then I discovered that those lovers were brothers, so by the process of some weird incest I became who I am today...a tri-bred. A further genetic abnormality, likely caused by the mutated genes from the whole fiasco left me with both male and female parts. Now, here's where it gets complicated. I am also somehow my own grandpa. I was married to a widow who had an eldest daughter. One of my fathers married that daughter and hence the story goes. I used to get really shy about telling my story, but I've quickly learned that everyone's family's are pretty f*cked up.
Just got divorced and lost my grandpa at the same time ;,( Would like someone to console me and possibly help me sort out all of the complex feelings I am having at this time. Looking for a friend maybe more.
Chocolate chip male (that’s what I call myself as a white guy with alotta brown spots, mostly on my face and back). Widow. The wife died a few years back, but I still gotta lotta dancin’ days left in me: swing, polka, some ballroom. Looking for any age female – few years younger, few years older don’t matter much to me, just as long as you can make a good pancake. Don’t even care much whatcha look like, now that my glaucoma’s clouded my eyes so much that I can’t even find the cat when it’s feedin’ time, but Martha, the checker at Walmart, says I’m still a real catch and kind of a looker. Don’t know how to use voicemail, so just call til I pick up. I promise. I’ll show you a good time. Been to every national park and still have all the photographs. And, as they say, money isn’t everything, sometimes pure personality’ll do. Don’t wear briefs, yet.
This is really a cry for help. I'm tired of doing this alone and would like to be in a relationship with a loving, caring, supportive and physically strong partner. The physical strength would come in handy right now. I'm lodged into the storm basement of my home after an altercation I had with one of my cats....Bruno. Bruno is an awesome cat, don't get the wrong idea. It was my fault for not getting the brand of treats he likes. Anyway, that is not important. What is important is that I've been living on cat jerky for three days and my phone is about to die.
A little bit about me: My name is Krystal, I used to play tennis in high school, I worked at the Fabric Warehouse until I became a cat surrogate and now I have 502 cats and counting. Don't let that scare you, most of them are very loving, it's just the few that ruin the whole bunch. If we could possibly meet here in my basement it would make things extremely convenient for me. My house is blue, but it actually looks brown due to global warming. There is a small biodome of fog surrounding the house that looks like your run of the mill pollution, but is actually cat pooh particles. If you can't find the house by color, just go for the one that smells the most like a deranged feline smeared bricks of antibiotic free diggy on the windows, doors and mailbox. I'm sorry but my phone is about to die and the landline has been cut so more details to follow...
Come meet me! It will be fun, I promise. Looking for a man that has all his shots, is super duper strong and has a non-existent sex drive. See you soon hopefully!!! Krystal
My name is Meg and I still have not found my knight in shining armor. Honestly, at this point I would settle for a knight in Khaki's or Jersey shorts. Please have steady employment. Well, at least an income. If you're a contract worker or getting under the table cash that's fine as well. If you bank at Coinstar, we'll figure it out. I would like someone who owns their own home and car. If you live in a nice apartment complex I'm also into that. If all you have is a bike and you live with your mother I'll welcome you with open arms. Please be a person that is kind to others. If you've flipped a few people off that's understandable. If you frequently troll websites leaving derogatory comments and have a misdemeanor for leaving flaming shit on someone's porch this might be a compatible situation. If you burned your families house down and have a taste for human blood I'm your girl.
You know just don't be an intravenous drug user.
Last week my friend was talkin' bout how this guy was fly and she like "he's one mighty fine dish". Oh please! Sister wants a dish and then what? Put it in the dishwasher and go watch TV? I ain't looking for no dish, I ain't looking for a spoon and I ain't lookin' for no damn butter cup. Mama wants a all you can eat buffet, m'kay? You know that buffet ain't usin' no dish, they got a full stack and them plates just keep comin'. That's what I'm talkin' bout! One dish, that's crazy!! My man's gonna be a full stack and spring loaded so mama can just keep comin' back and makin' my rounds. If you the Sizzler buffet of men specimen's than I'm ready to purchase my ticket for one.
Ain't no buffet come with just ribs, salads and plates neither. Always, always I get a tall drink. So I'mma pick up my drink and lick the straw, then I'm gonna head over to the foo and lift up all the plates mama wants AND then I'ma go back for more. And back for more. AND back for more. You feel me? AND THEN they got a whole other station filled with doughnuts and creme, chocolate on chocolate and buttery fruit rolls. That's a whole other three trips!
My girlfriend lookin' for a dish, mama lookin' for an all-you-can-eat and no double dippin'!